Boy Seeks Girl Wearing SpongeBob Tank Top By Peter Dabbene

December 23, 2013 Comments Off on Boy Seeks Girl Wearing SpongeBob Tank Top By Peter Dabbene


YOU were at Scrunchy’s Playhouse inside the Route 130 ShopRite last Thursday, wearing a SpongeBob tank top. I was there too, with MY SpongeBob tee shirt – what are the chances? YOU wore a ponytail and sandals, and a Hello Kitty band-aid on your knee. I wore my special pants with a stripe that makes me run faster, and my new light-up Iron Man sneakers. I felt we had a real connection – I don’t meet many girls who appreciate SpongeBob the way I do. Usually, they just sit around asking, “Does this one have Sandy in it?” But you were different. I gave you the big red Lego Duplo piece you needed, and you reciprocated with a green one. You didn’t have to do that.

I know we could have a good life together, with regular playdates, and snacks. We could even get married if you want to. My cousin just got engaged to a girl in his preschool class who asked him, and they’re only three and a half.

Unfortunately, I can’t drive yet, or even ride a bike without training wheels, so I am dependent on Mom for transportation. Despite my most sincere and heartfelt requests (not to mention the best whining and screaming I could muster), she tells me that our usual shopping day is Tuesday, not Thursday, and that this was a one-time exception required by Grandma’s doctor appointments and Dad’s softball schedule. I will do what I can to sabotage our next Tuesday shopping trip, hoping I might yet see you again, and that my efforts are not merely cruel amusement for the fates, entertaining them as if I were their own personal SpongeBob. My fervor for you was such that the Duplos, the temporary tattoos, the video games, even SpongeBob himself (yes, I said it) all faded to the periphery, but in my excitement (not to mention the sugar high from my mystery flavor Dum Dum lollipop) I forgot to ask if Thursday is your family’s regular shopping day. I didn’t even get your name, since we didn’t actually speak, and now our opportunity to forge a lasting connection may have been lost. Maybe one day you’ll ride past my house and see me – I think we live in the town of New Jersey. Otherwise, I can only assume you will be at Scrunchy’s Playhouse, Thursdays at approximately 4:30 p.m., watching SpongeBob and wondering why your soul-mate does not come.

© 2013 Peter Dabbene

Peter Dabbene’s poetry has been published in many online and print literary journals, and collected in the book Optimism. His stories can be found online at,,,,, and elsewhere, and his comic book work can be seen in the graphic novel Ark and the magazine Futurequake. He has published two story collections, Prime Movements and Glossolalia, and a novel, Mister Dreyfus’ Demons. He writes a monthly column for the Hamilton Post (viewable at and reviews for BlueInk Review and Foreword Reviews. His plays have been performed in New Jersey and Philadelphia venues. His most recent book is the humorous collection of e-mails Spamming the Spammers (with Dieter P. Bieny). His website is

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