Boy Seeks Girl Wearing SpongeBob Tank Top By Peter Dabbene

MISSED CONNECTIONS

YOU were at Scrunchy’s Playhouse inside the Route 130 ShopRite last Thursday, wearing a SpongeBob tank top. I was there too, with MY SpongeBob tee shirt – what are the chances? YOU wore a ponytail and sandals, and a Hello Kitty band-aid on your knee. I wore my special pants with a stripe that makes me run faster, and my new light-up Iron Man sneakers. I felt we had a real connection – I don’t meet many girls who appreciate SpongeBob the way I do. Usually, they just sit around asking, “Does this one have Sandy in it?” But you were different. I gave you the big red Lego Duplo piece you needed, and you reciprocated with a green one. You didn’t have to do that.

I know we could have a good life together, with regular playdates, and snacks. We could even get married if you want to. My cousin just got engaged to a girl in his preschool class who asked him, and they’re only three and a half.

Unfortunately, I can’t drive yet, or even ride a bike without training wheels, so I am dependent on Mom for transportation. Despite my most sincere and heartfelt requests (not to mention the best whining and screaming I could muster), she tells me that our usual shopping day is Tuesday, not Thursday, and that this was a one-time exception required by Grandma’s doctor appointments and Dad’s softball schedule. I will do what I can to sabotage our next Tuesday shopping trip, hoping I might yet see you again, and that my efforts are not merely cruel amusement for the fates, entertaining them as if I were their own personal SpongeBob. My fervor for you was such that the Duplos, the temporary tattoos, the video games, even SpongeBob himself (yes, I said it) all faded to the periphery, but in my excitement (not to mention the sugar high from my mystery flavor Dum Dum lollipop) I forgot to ask if Thursday is your family’s regular shopping day. I didn’t even get your name, since we didn’t actually speak, and now our opportunity to forge a lasting connection may have been lost. Maybe one day you’ll ride past my house and see me – I think we live in the town of New Jersey. Otherwise, I can only assume you will be at Scrunchy’s Playhouse, Thursdays at approximately 4:30 p.m., watching SpongeBob and wondering why your soul-mate does not come.

© 2013 Peter Dabbene

Peter Dabbene’s poetry has been published in many online and print literary journals, and collected in the book Optimism. His stories can be found online at http://www.defenestrationmag.net, http://www.mcsweeneys.net, http://www.wildviolet.net, http://www.piginpoke.com, http://www.wordriot.org, and elsewhere, and his comic book work can be seen in the graphic novel Ark and the magazine Futurequake. He has published two story collections, Prime Movements and Glossolalia, and a novel, Mister Dreyfus’ Demons. He writes a monthly column for the Hamilton Post (viewable at http://www.mercerspace.com/blog/pdabbene) and reviews for BlueInk Review and Foreword Reviews. His plays have been performed in New Jersey and Philadelphia venues. His most recent book is the humorous collection of e-mails Spamming the Spammers (with Dieter P. Bieny). His website is http://www.peterdabbene.com.

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