In An Outer Suburbs Candy Store By Edward Brauer

April 7, 2014 Comments Off on In An Outer Suburbs Candy Store By Edward Brauer

I’m headlight-frozen at the sight of an incredibly obese young woman, moseying into the candy store. She has a round baby face that glistens with sweat, and she couldn’t be more delighted.

With her is this fellow — a grey bearded, top hatted gent who walks with a black cane. He wears a cloak that drapes off him in the wizardly fashion. His arm is locked with hers and he walks slightly behind her like he’s being dragged.

They terrify me.

The Chinese cashier smiles and says hello.

“Do you have any of those peanut butter Twix bars from America?” the enormous woman asks. She has a distinctly shrill voice and the smile that she gives the cashier spreads across her face like a deep-hung hammock.

The wizard also smiles, saying nothing. His teeth are brown and riddled with rot.

“Yes, we have one left,” says the cashier. She comes out from behind the counter and walks over to a box on one of the shelves — the one for the peanut butter Twix bars. The store is a psychedelic explosion of pastel colours; an edible Mardi Gras parade. She looks into the peanut butter Twix box, frowns, then turns to the fat woman and shrugs.

My heart feels like it’s trying to punch through my chest.

“Sorry, we have no more. I thought we have one, but no. Sorry.”

Un-phased, the fat woman continues to beam. “You’ll tell me when you get some more in though won’t you?”

The wizard smiles and says nothing. His cavity riddled teeth have shrunk in the brief time since I last saw them and they protrude only slightly from his gums like severed, dead shoots.

“Oh, yes,” says the cashier, nodding slowly. “We like to make you happy.”

“I’m happy as long as I buy all your stock of those peanut butter Twix bars.”

The wizard smiles and says nothing. His mouth is now toothless. Our eyes meet for one long, dizzy second during which I experience the sensation of falling sideways into nothingness.

“Okay, can I help you with anything else?”

“No, that’s all?”

They leave. I blink twice and go to the counter to pay for the peanut butter Twix bar I’ve got in my hand.

© 2013 Edward Brauer

Edward Brauer lives with his girlfriend and cat in Melbourne, Australia, where he works as a network administrator for an unsuccessful cosmetics company.  Otherwise he spends his time making music, building furniture, reading paranormal journalism and playing senselessly violent video games. He is interested in the ways that absurdity, horror and comedy can be fused together, without detracting from each other.

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