The Allegation By Andrew J. Hogan

Hubert Polkingthorne Wrightrongson III, you stand before this panel charged with vandalism, committed last Thursday following Social Studies and Wealth Management Class, whereupon, in apparent response to failing to achieve a B+ grade on your mid-term, causing you to fall from the Consul Honors Group back to the Praetors, you vented your spleen by running the tip of a 1957 Budweiser promotional beer can opener across the Stanley and Harriet Fleischmann etched glass panel of the George and Mona Smithville lacrosse trophy case; you then entered the ArcoTonics Memorial mens’ lavatory through the Jeffrey Donaldson door after spraying Dupont Krylon magnetic paint on the Dorothy Manion door handle; inside the men’s room, you blocked the Fitzsimmons Corporation washbasin drain with paper towels from the Georgina Hawkins towel dispenser and opened the Ira and Phyllis Larkspur burnished brass faucet; after scraping a treble clef on the door of the Drake Exeter toilet stall, you climbed onto the Marsha and Miles Washborne toilet seat, dislodging the Edith Pippinham cistern cover, which fractured upon hitting the floor; you then proceeded to ignite a vintage Po Sing Phantom Cherry Bomb and dropped it into the Clive and Agatha Tortelson toilet bowl, where it shattered the Edna Parkhurst wax sealing ring, allowing water and fecal matter to contaminate the Barconi Family Italian marble floor; fleeing the scene of the crime, you ran the keys of your BMW AC Schnitzer ACS7 sports car across the left fender and driver’s-side door of Social Studies instructor Delilah Sampsonite’s MiniCooper S Clubman; you were apprehended by the Campus Security in their Dixie Hills Motors Saab 9000CD police cruiser after you decimated the Frederico Quiñones flock of the black-neck swans that was crossing the Regina Willingshire boulevard toward the Peggy and Slim Rankin reclaimed water wetlands. Unless you can provide an adequate excuse for your vandalistic behavior, in addition to full restitution, your family name will be removed from all items donated to the Trent Lockhardt Preparatory School for Aberrant Adolescent Aristocrats, including the Martha Fletcher Polkingthorne Memorial Koi Pedicure Pool located in the Silvia and Thorton Buckingstern Garden of the Ambassador and Mrs. Archibald McPherson Headmaster’s Residence. What say you to this allegation?

© 2015 Andrew J. Hogan

Andrew J. Hogan received his doctorate in development studies from the University of Wisconsin-Madison. Before retirement, he was a faculty member at the State University of New York at Stony Brook, the University of Michigan, and Michigan State University, where he taught medical ethics, health policy, and the social organization of medicine in the College of Human Medicine. Along with more than five-dozen professional articles, Dr. Hogan has published works of fiction in the OASIS Journal (1st Prize, Fiction 2014), Hobo Pancakes, Subtopian Magazine, Twisted Dreams, and Thick Jam, among many others.

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