Barbie Behind Bars By Allen Lang

The Corrections Officer unlocked the prisoner’s waist chain, handcuffs, and leg irons. “I always say, ‘if you can’t do the correction, don’t do the transgression’” He handed the prisoner a box then slammed the steel door on a cell that was as wide as the prisoner was tall, half again as long. It had a steel toilet and sink. The bunk was a concrete shelf. “Santa dropped one of these over the wall for each of you guys. ‘Solicitude for the Solitary’ the note said.”

The prisoner sat on the shelf and popped opened the top off the box. The doll looked up from the packing paper with those blue eyes. “Hi there!” it said, “This is so exciting! What’s your name?”

“Four Two Seven Eight Nine Six,” the prisoner said as he lifted her out of the box.

“That’s a pretty name. My name is Barbara Millicent Roberts. Do you come here often?”

“Every time there’s a failure to communicate.”

“I just know we’re going to be great friends,” the doll said. “What would you like to talk about, Four Two Seven?”

“How about the inadequacy of the American criminal justice system with regard to fiscal irregularities in the international bond trade?”

The doll giggled. “Sounds fun. Tell me all about it, Four Two Seven.”

“Let’s us get settled in first, and then we’ll have a good long talk. Just you and me, Barbara Millicent Roberts.”

© 2015 Allen Lang

Allen Lang has been studying anthropology as an embedded observer since 1928. His first S-F story was published in the November, 1950, issue of PLANET STORIES, behind a cover that depicted a blue alien lusting over a dulcet Earth girl.

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