Chutneynomics By Kit Maude

X. stands over a large pot on the stove. X. has made chutney.

Thought bubbles float up above X.’s head. Inside one of them, X. is holding a jar. Arrows spring out from this jar towards a number of other people depicted in a similar way to X. Some of the people are alone; some are in pairs. X. plans to foist his chutney on several friends.

X. is on the telephone (still stirring his pot of chutney). This time, the thought bubble contains a man and woman with a broken heart in between them. Two of X.’s friends have broken up after a ten-year relationship. They are heart-stricken.

X. is then joined by Y., who is joined in turn by the heart-stricken C., Y.’s sister.

The real X. looks puzzled. He has a problem.

X.’s thought bubble now shows the same chutney distribution as before, only this time with crosses over several of the arrows and each recipient marked ‘A.’, ‘B.’, ‘C.’, etc.

X. cannot distribute his chutney to his friends ‘A.’, ‘B.’ or ‘D.’ because he only knows them through ‘F.’, the male member of the heart-stricken couple, whom he will no longer be seeing for political reasons.

X.’s bubbles play out different scenarios. The first depicts X. trying to give a large jar to the heart-stricken C. and F. only to be impeded by a cross through the distribution line. X. cannot give a large jar to the couple, because the term ‘couple’ no longer exists. In the second bubble, two smaller jars are being given to both C. and F., but the distribution lines are similarly broken. X. cannot give a jar to each of them because they will still be living together for the short term – separate bedrooms, but not separate refrigerators. The third shows a jar not going to C. X. cannot simply give chutney to ‘C.’, because it would be seen as a petty act.

X. bears an expression of worry and alarm. He will surely be stuck with a glut of chutney.

© 2016 Kit Maude

Kit Maude is a translator based in Buenos Aires.

Comments are closed.