Raptured by Saul Jennings

Oh Jesus. Oh dear sweet Lord Jesus, I beseech you hear my prayer. It’s gone midnight now everywhere Lord – everywhere — and there has been no sign. No sign of you or the Father or the Rapture or anything. The faithful are still here oh Lord, and I beg you, beseech thee, please tell me, oh Lord, please tell me what the fuck happened?

I’m sorry. I’m sorry, oh Lord God for cursing. I’m sorry. I’m just a little freaked out and the phone keeps ringing and the TV is laughing at me and David — oh Jesus shitting Christ — David sold his fucking house! Jane threw her daughter out for listening to rap, and now . . . now there’s nothing and tomorrow they’ll ask me. Oh Lord. Oh Jesus, I’m sorry for the cursing, for the . . . for the lack of faith, but why the fuck have you forsaken me?

What? What is this . . . I can see something . . . Is this a vision, sweet Lord, sweet Jesus . . . something I can tell my flock? I can see a calendar. Is that it? Yes, oh sweet holy Lord, yes, you have a new date, yes . . . but wait. Wait. You’re showing me the same date. That’s, that’s the same date, Jesus, that’s the same . . . the same fucking date that your hand is pointing to . . . and is that a pen? You’re writing? What oh Lord? Tell me what I need to tell my flock. What do I tell Jane; what the fuck do I tell David?

Sorry, sorry again, Lord. I see your hand. You write “None.” Is that right? None what? Now another word . . . is that “were?” None were. None were? None were what, Lord sweet Jesus? None were . . . what’s that last word? Looks like None were . . . Worthy? NONE WERE WORTHY! Oh sweet Jesus, sweet Jesus Christ, say that’s not true, say that’s not true.

© 2013 Saul Jennings

Saul Jennings lives in Greece and earns money throughout Europe doing indefinable things “with computers.” After several decades of having unusual ideas that seemed like they might make interesting stories, he has taken the step of writing them down and letting them loose. So far, two of the ideas have been re-homed in Linguistic Erosion and Bartleby Snopes.